10 simple rules to dating my daughter

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You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule #4 In today’s world, sexual activity among young people is becoming rather common place.

Just because this is a commonality does not mean that it will be happening with my daughter.

If you think that you will have opportunities to explore your sexual activity with my daughter you will find out that I will be the only type of birth control that you will need.

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Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.

Rule #1 If you plan on taking my daughter on a date and come to my house and honk your horn or call her cell phone you'd better be the UPS man, because you are not picking anything up.

Rule #2 If you touch my daughter be prepared to have removal of the touching limbs from your body in any such way that I feel appropriate.

Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. and has ran, but not won, for the seat of governor.

If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. And the worst part, he's one of those hardcore east coast Italian types.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. Yeah, but the fixtures are too fragile to hang on and the cuffs leave too many marks on girls wrists..gotta try the furry wrist bindings. Of course my sister'll probably leave you tied up in a ditch once you've done her floors and windows.

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